A couple blog posts ago I talked about ‘the binge’ in that I overindulge in not only bad foods, but good foods as well to the point of being over full. I’ve been trying to restrict myself to how much food I was eating but also restricting what I was eating so I wouldn’t overindulge.
It got me thinking, do I really need to restrict myself as much as I am? I love eating the healthy foods that I eat. I love my big salads stuffed with veggies and filled with protein and I love my daily egg white breakfast that I cook every morning. Those are the meals I look forward to. But what happens in between those meals? How much should I be eating? I usually do a mid morning snack after I workout, mid afternoon snack, and then a snack 1-2 hours before I go to bed. Is it ok to have a protein bar and an apple with peanut butter and maybe some oranges all in one snack? (might add a Kind bar to that as well…)
I like my sugar. I have chocolate chips that I usually store in my pantry to fulfill my craving. How many should I eat until enough is enough? Am I too overcautious? These questions pop into my head while I eat them which seems ridiculous. I should be enjoying the darn chocolate and not worry how its going to ruin my day or my so called ‘diet’.
I work out almost 6 days a week, lift hard, do long runs with combinations of speed work outs. I love pushing myself. I feel good with what I eat, but why do I keep having these thoughts and questions. Im 24 years old, I should be able to enjoy a drink or two without regretting my decisions, I should be able to eat chocolate, candy, or pizza every once in awhile and not have to worry about what it will do to my training or my weight. Because honestly, it probably won’t change much at all. After splurging for one night, I get right back into my routine, and my pace and lifting abilities are still improving. I’m so close to throwing out the scale because at this point in my journey, it doesn’t matter. I’m at the weight I should be, so a 1, 2 or 5 lbs difference shouldn’t matter.
A lot of questions and not a lot of answers. But I guess that’s normal, right? I wanted to share this because I think I’m not the only one who has these thoughts. I’m honest with my struggles because this journey isn’t perfect and sometimes not real pretty.
Sometimes I think I’m just too hard on myself. I have high expectations to do well and when I feel like I failed, I put myself down. But I didn’t fail. Look at the before and after, look at those pace differences. It’s amazing what I’m able to do with my body and I should be proud. We should all be proud of ourselves in our journeys because each day we become stronger, we strengthen our minds, and increase confidence and love for ourselves.
I will continue to struggle with food but I’m hoping as the days go by to not let it take ahold of me and dictate what I eat. I’ll never be perfect or have the perfect body and I don’t expect to.
Like I said, no answers, just a lot of my thoughts 🙂 Our journeys are beautiful, we’ll always have struggles but it’s how we handle and conquer it that makes us stronger.
Love to you all,